Friday, April 22, 2011

Things that piss me off - Pt. XVI

  • Battery life, as related to keeping smart phones "smart". Can't even make it through an entire day without hooking the phone to a charger at some point.

  • Fruit-flavored, "extra-strength" Tums, with calcium. Here's a great idea. Let's take a barely effective medicinal product, make it look and taste just like candy, and then lace it with calcium. Then market it towards a particular target-demographic prone more to kidney stones than others; and who also require a greater dosage for effectiveness. Pardon my pharmacological ignorance, but really - what's the deal with calcium in antacids? And why the hell don't you put child-proof caps on this product? A toddler gets a hold of that, all they will see are big, round, pretty, easter egg-colored "candy"; which tastes like… well, candy.

  • Growing up with Ward Cleaver and Jim Anderson as the pop culture criterion for fatherhood, and *not quite* being able to duplicate that.

  • While we're on the subject, has anybody ever noticed the inordinate amount of family shows from the 60's which had single fathers raising children? What was that all about? Shows such as My Three Sons, Bonanza, The Beverly Hillbillies, Courtship of Eddie's Father, Family Affair, Flipper, The Andy Griffith Show/Mayberry R.F.D, etc. Why did Hollywood hate mothers so much in the 60's?

  • Having to now shell out 6 bucks for a half-way decent frozen pizza.

  • Having her take you home, only to have her drunkenly pass out while slow dancing to good, mood-setting music. Scratch that. At my age, that's actually more amusing than annoying. It all comes and goes. Now, for you younger guys, this would probably stay on your list.

  • Hiatal hernias.

  • Medical bills which flood your mailbox; only after all the professional "concern" about your health dies down.

  • Microwave meals that instruct you to "let stand for 2 minutes in microwave" after it's done cooking. I'm hungry, and I chose a nuke meal. That means I don't have the patience to cook; why would I have the patience to wait?

  • My gastrointestinally self-destructive eating habits; only after the fact, of course.

  • That I forgot to call my son for our annual long and drawn-out meaningful father/son talk at 4:19pm on April 20th. For some reason, the timing always seems to not be convenient for him.

  • When I go grocery shopping between sales and mark-downs on the items I usually consume, and face paying full price. Yeah, I know, just go to Grocery Outlet; but that place gets real old after a while.

  • Vehicles with more than one occupant, clogging up the fast lane when I'm trying to get somewhere, instead of chugging along at 60 in the diamond lane where they belong.

  • While driving solo, having to resort to using the diamond lane as a passing lane so as to pass the aforementioned vehicle, on account of everybody and their mother is already passing us on the right.

  • Remember when you were young and horny, and you had to practically bend over backwards to convince others that you had actually slept with someone? Apparently I'm at the age now where I have to fight even harder to convince others when I HAVEN'T slept with someone. WTF?

Always more forthcoming...


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