Thursday, April 28, 2011

The Men Commandments

The Divine Laws of Men, among Men

  • I - Unless it impacteth thine own business, thou shalt not concern yourself with, nor question the business of thine brethren.

  • II - Abideth not according to the words of false prophets, such heresy as "brethren before harlots"; for thou shalt have no false creeds before me. Refer thee to Commandment I if thou understandeth not the sanctity of thine brethren's business.

  • III - Unless with thine father, thou shalt not engage in personal phone conversations longer than thou art willing to stand with thine brethren and shake his hand. Conductith thee thy business.

  • IV - Unlike women, thou shalt not congregate in herds with thine brethren; and instead roam as but few among the pack in open spaces.

  • V - Unless it be thine own, thou shalt not wear upon thine back the surname of any man yet living.

  • VI - Unless absolutely necessary, thou shalt not selecteth thee an adjoining stall or urinal within a public restroom; neither will thee engage in conversation or make eye contact. Thou shalt wash thine hands.

  • VII - Thou shalt not consume unsliced bananas amongst thy brethren.

  • VIII - Hindereth not your busy brethren from whence he comes, to where he goes; in so far as a simple head nod and shoulder slap will suffice. If ye engage in dialogue, make it therefore quick and meaningful. Idle talk is tolerated, only so far as ye and thine brethren are seated, and have some form of quaffing beverage placed before each of ye.

  • IX - Concerneth yourself not with thine brethrens downed-zipper; for that is strictly thine brethren's business. You knoweth not.

  • X - Thou shalt not defile the sanctity of thine brethren's home in any fashion; and though ye might covet, thou shalt not adulterate thine brethren's hospitality by seeking time alone with thine brethren's woman. Woe unto he which breaketh this most solemn commandment, for surely pain and malevolance will follow thee the rest of thine days until thy grave be pissed upon.
So sayeth Dub'

No comments:

Post a Comment