Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Within the Splendor of the Ashen Void

Welcome to my little corner of the world; what has recently been described to me by an ex-lover as my "miserable, hopeless world". Though I don't necessarily agree with her as to that particular designation -she's biased, afterall; I don't entirely disagree with her either. You see, I live life similarly to most others; all according to a ceaseless pattern. Mine just revolves around ultimately surrounding myself with others; for afterall, who wants to be alone? I've been told that I constantly try to identify, and reinvent myself based upon the intimate relationships I ultimately formulate with others. I look at it another way. I'm pushing 50, and it's time to get on the bus. My destination - wherever that is - anxiously awaits. I really don't know if I have ample time to soley invest in myself anymore. Problem is, nothing has ever lasted. "Miserable" and "hopeless"? Perhaps; but hope continues to prevail, and lead the way. Anyhow, somewhere along the way, I developed an acute sense for detecting the absurd and the ironic which surrounds us in every day life. Though sometimes sadly pathetic, I still find humor buried within much of it. But sadly, this past year has worn a lot of the humorous veneer off my surface. I'm a little less patient; perhaps even a little less kinder. I find that I absolutely detest villainy in others now; and have considered crossing certain boundaries as to dealing with societal scourges. I've been the "good guy" my whole life; and have lived the majority of it in approval-seeking mode. Much less so now; though one simply can't erase 47 years of conditioning just like that. I'm not a bad guy; but I'm no hero either. I'm just an emotionally complex individual caught somewhere in between the dark, and light; in the penumbra of life. Within the shadows. Within the splendor of the ashen void. In the meantime, I still cling to hope as my refuge.
Anyhow, welcome to my blog. It is my intent to entertain, engage, and to exchange ideas.



  1. Hmmmm.. I had a feeling that (wall) comment would take root in you and a blog would be forthcoming. I expect to see wonderful things here. Be careful of what you listen to and who/what you accept into your heart. Like you need any advice from me. <3 TEEJ

  2. It was indeed that wall comment by Tim that took root. I've a lot to get off my chest, as I've kept a lot bottled up inside of me for the last several months. I've never given myself the chance to speak my mind. I figure a nice blog would suffice, in lieu of some female therapist (why do I always pick women doctors?). Anyhow TJ, you know who I've accepted into my heart; I hope your warning doesn't prove to be some form of forebearance. What is it that my heart really requires at this point? It's like a door with a loose hinge; it's slammed shut, then thrown wide open again. Lather, rinse, repeat. And as to advice? None better, at present.