Thursday, December 23, 2010

Ward and June were not in love

How could they have been? They were just awesome room mates. I find that love is at its weakest when there's nothing to discuss about it; when it's all perceivably "smooth sailing". Love is high maintenance; passion and fury. Always an obstacle of some sort placed within the path. Never easy. From another's perspective, perhaps it could be argued that I've never truly loved at all. Don't get me wrong, I've had my share of love affairs. I've given what I consider to be my all. But was it enough? My current lover (this is our second go-round; a re-relationship) once told me long ago that love isn't enough. I think I understood what she was saying; and it certainly wasn't enough to sustain us the first time around. I find myself in love once more; but I fear it's still not enough. I'm usually the heavy one in a relationship; the analyst, so to speak. But now I've got my work cut out for me. She's the one prompted with questions; seeking constant insight. Never satisfied with just being satisfied. I've learned quite a lot since our initial relationship; and out of dire necessity, forged into a much stronger and resilient person. But these are all exterior things. I fear I'm still the same gob of goo on the inside. I hope I'm wrong. Whereas I'm much more accepting of the choices others make which effect me, am I capable of truly providing the kind of love which others expect of me? I have no problem whatsoever with passion, dedication, and admiration; but I feel like I'm missing something. Could it be that I've never truly learned to love myself enough first? I have no reason not to…
Love is like a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle; and though I've spent what seems to be an eternity assembling the pieces, I fear I will find that my set only contains 999 when I'm done.

No comments:

Post a Comment