The Men Commandments

The Divine Laws of Men, among Men

• I - Unless it impacteth thine own business, thou shalt not concern yourself with, nor question the business of thine brethren.

• II - Abideth not according to the words of false prophets, such heresy as "brethren before harlots"; for thou shalt have no false creeds before me. Refer thee to Commandment I if thou understandeth not the sanctity of thine brethren's business.

• III - Unless with thine father, thou shalt not engage in personal phone conversations longer than thou art willing to stand with thine brethren and shake his hand. Conductith thee thy business.

• IV - Unlike women, thou shalt not congregate in herds with thine brethren; and instead roam as but few among the pack in open spaces.

• V - Unless it be thine own, thou shalt not wear upon thine back the surname of any man yet living.

• VI - Unless absolutely necessary, thou shalt not selecteth thee an adjoining stall or urinal within a public restroom; neither will thee engage in conversation or make eye contact. Thou shalt wash thine hands.

• VII - Thou shalt not consume unsliced bananas amongst thy brethren.

• VIII - Hindereth not your busy brethren from whence he comes, to where he goes; in so far as a simple head nod and shoulder slap will suffice. If ye engage in dialogue, make it therefore quick and meaningful. Idle talk is tolerated, only so far as ye and thine brethren are seated, and have some form of quaffing beverage placed before each of ye.

• IX - Concerneth yourself not with thine brethrens downed-zipper; for that is strictly thine brethren's business. You knoweth not.

• X - Thou shalt not defile the sanctity of thine brethren's home in any fashion; and though ye might covet, thou shalt not adulterate thine brethren's hospitality by seeking time alone with thine brethren's woman. Woe unto he which breaketh this most solemn commandment, for surely pain and malevolance will follow thee the rest of thine days until thy grave be pissed upon.

　

　

So sayeth Dub'

Dating, Consorting, & Relating

First off, I don't claim to be an expert; I've just got experience. Therefore I have an opinion. As the "perpetuator" of the species, a woman pretty much knows within the first five minutes of meeting, whether or not she wants to spend time with a particular man. That said, men need to see beyond their testosterone rush, and be able to identify and discern this all-important cue. Does she smile, or not? Does she look at you when the two of you speak, or look elsewhere? Is there a sparkle in her eyes, or does she have the look as though she's waiting in line somewhere? Cues. Simple cues. I can't count how many times I've seen dudes pushing it with a woman who's obviously - and visibly - not interested. It's sadly pathetic, and does nothing for your confidence; and confidence is what you need to succeed.

If she seems interested, and gives you her number - call her; but (and unless it's worked out beforehand) give it a little buffer period. Not too much; just enough for her to thoroughly ponder you. When it comes to the actual call - call her once, and only once. If you get the "I'm busy" bit, let it go, and don't call back. There are exceptions; but the general rule of thumb is that if a woman is interested in a man, she will make herself available to him. If she is indeed busy, and still interested, she will let you know; perhaps even suggest another time to get together. Anything other than this, just wipe your hands; turn and walk away. It's the most respectable move a man can make for himself in that situation.

Aiming high is an admirable trait in a man as well. That's perhaps one of my greatest weaknesses; but there's nothing quite like the prospect of striking gold that makes a man truly take stock of himself. Play up, and out of your league once in a while. It's very important also that you possess no tolerance for disrespectful behavior; don't allow yourself to become a doormat. Just walk away. Don't beg. Don't plead. Don't fret. Sometimes it takes a long time to learn these lessons; but I can assure you it's best to just turn your back, and save your dignity.

If OTOH you find yourself in a relationship, avoid complacency. Completely. Learn how to be unpredictable. That may sound odd, but it's the mundane routines which are threats to a relationship. If you recognize the onset of complacency, start mixing your signals. Shower her with affection, then back off for a while. Get in touch unexpectedly, then disappear for a bit. Don't go overboard; just keep her pleasantly surprised. Sometimes this means making yourself unavailable at times. You oftentimes hear women claim that they don't want any drama in their lives, but this is precisely the kind of dramatic challenge many of them crave. Sometimes this means showing an open interest in another woman. Whereas a man should never take a woman for granted, a man needs to stand up and demand the same for himself. Sometimes this is what it takes.


Lastly, it comes down to three (3) very simple things:

1. Mutual admiration
2. Mutual respect
3. A mutual sense of wanting what's best for the other.

Without these three components, there is simply - nothing…
　
　
Dub'

Things that piss me off - Pt. XVI

• Battery life, as related to keeping smart phones "smart". Can't even make it through an entire day without hooking the phone to a charger at some point.

• Fruit-flavored, "extra-strength" Tums, with calcium. Here's a great idea. Let's take a barely effective medicinal product, make it look and taste just like candy, and then lace it with calcium. Then market it towards a particular target-demographic prone more to kidney stones than others; and who also require a greater dosage for effectiveness. Pardon my pharmacological ignorance, but really - what's the deal with calcium in antacids? And why the hell don't you put child-proof caps on this product? A toddler gets a hold of that, all they will see are big, round, pretty, easter egg-colored "candy"; which tastes like… well, candy.

• Growing up with Ward Cleaver and Jim Anderson as the pop culture criterion for fatherhood, and *not quite* being able to duplicate that.

• While we're on the subject, has anybody ever noticed the inordinate amount of family shows from the 60's which had single fathers raising children? What was that all about? Shows such as My Three Sons, Bonanza, The Beverly Hillbillies, Courtship of Eddie's Father, Family Affair, Flipper, The Andy Griffith Show/Mayberry R.F.D, etc. Why did Hollywood hate mothers so much in the 60's?

• Having to now shell out 6 bucks for a half-way decent frozen pizza.

• Having her take you home, only to have her drunkenly pass out while slow dancing to good, mood-setting music. Scratch that. At my age, that's actually more amusing than annoying. It all comes and goes. Now, for you younger guys, this would probably stay on your list.

• Hiatal hernias.

• Medical bills which flood your mailbox; only after all the professional "concern" about your health dies down.

• Microwave meals that instruct you to "let stand for 2 minutes in microwave" after it's done cooking. I'm hungry, and I chose a nuke meal. That means I don't have the patience to cook; why would I have the patience to wait?

• My gastrointestinally self-destructive eating habits; only after the fact, of course.

• That I forgot to call my son for our annual long and drawn-out meaningful father/son talk at 4:19pm on April 20th. For some reason, the timing always seems to not be convenient for him.

• When I go grocery shopping between sales and mark-downs on the items I usually consume, and face paying full price. Yeah, I know, just go to Grocery Outlet; but that place gets real old after a while.

• Vehicles with more than one occupant, clogging up the fast lane when I'm trying to get somewhere, instead of chugging along at 60 in the diamond lane where they belong.

• While driving solo, having to resort to using the diamond lane as a passing lane so as to pass the aforementioned vehicle, on account of everybody and their mother is already passing us on the right.

• Remember when you were young and horny, and you had to practically bend over backwards to convince others that you had actually slept with someone? Apparently I'm at the age now where I have to fight even harder to convince others when I HAVEN'T slept with someone. WTF?

Always more forthcoming...

Dub'

Things that piss me off - Pt. XV

• Chislers, welchers, and deadbeat scumbags.

• Distance, when it's not desired.

• Dry, time-consuming meetings which pull dozens of people away from their work at the same time.

• While we're on the subject, people who give presentations at dry, time-consuming meetings; and aren't creative or articulative enough to do anything other than read directly off of what's already on the presentation screen. Seriously, you want us to learn something here? Then don't read word-for-word off the screen as if we were 4-year olds getting ready for bed. What a complete waste of time! Consider instead telling us what you're going to talk about; then talk about it WHILE you refer to the slides. Then summarize, by telling us all about what you just told us. Voila'! We all just learned something, and you just made it worth our collective time.

• Having to resort to doing other peoples dishes; not that I've always been completely innocent. But when I'm still paying ALL the bills as well?

• Misplaced expectations.

• 1% milk.

• Overly-critical people who disparage every single thing specific individuals do and say, no matter what.

• Smart-asses who don't know the *proper ways* of being a smart-ass. It's part science, part fine-art.

• That GED's have become so heavily depended upon at large, by our society. Whatever happened to just about everybody going to school all the way thru highschool, and then graduating? I briefly discussed John Hancock today; and I swear, some people thought I was alluding to masturbation.

• The fact that it's the 3rd week of April, and Spring is still nowhere to be found up here in the Puget Sound.

• Unknown reasons behind continued periods of self-isolation.

　
　
The rants continue...
　
　
Dub'

Things that piss me off - Pt. XIV

• Cowards whose mouths are bigger than their balls.

• Divisional business partners who come at me early in the week, to announce they're going to log-jam me the final 2 days of the week; rather than simply stagger the work from that point on. Yeah, it's not like I've ever had anything to do at work those final 2 days before the weekend.

• Having the City tell the property owners to change the unit numbers, then finding out from the cable company that the person who had THAT number previously (though it was a different place) owes back fees which now render your current residence (where you've lived for years) as "unserviceable" - until of course somebody ponies up the money. Confused? So is the cable company. Not me though; I'm just pissed.

• Having to worry about others, when I've never quite worried enough about myself.

• Human cockroaches who don't work for a living, leech off a system they never paid into, and go around spawning numerous illegitimate cockroaches of their own; so that society has to pay for them too. If there's one thing wrong with this country, there it is in a nutshell.

• Migraines. They're back; pretty much with a vengeance.

• Paying other peoples bills, when I'm pretty much overwhelmed by my own.

• That I've gone through 2 attorneys, 2 States, and 3 retainers (getting ready to pay my 4th), and I'm still not divorced. Why don't you just let me go, for Chrissakes? No property, no children; and I've paid the majority of the community bills. What the hell are you holding out for? It's been over 8 years; and you've spent the last 7 of them with the same man. Let me get on with my fucking life.

• Those who would suggest it's acceptable for me to consider the possibility of having my own blood spilled, while getting nothing tangible in return on account of it; rather than to simply settle the final score once and for all. For good. Forever.

• Those who take the money, and run.

• Wishing you could be somewhere else far away; and knowing you can't.

　
　
And so it continues...
　
　
Dub'