What precisely is love, anyway? - Pt II

I’ve spoken previously about this (http://dubiousdub.blogspot.com/2011/01/what-precisely-is-love-anyway.html), but the topic of love remains a paradox.  Love somehow manages to be both constant, and variable.  No matter where life takes you, when you have truly loved somebody, I mean TRULY loved somebody with your entire being – can it ever truly disappear?  If you had loved beyond all that is imaginable, but were subsequently hurt beyond all comprehension, what is it that remains?  I say I do not love; and yet for some odd reason – I find myself caring.  Concerning myself; at considerable personal risk to all that truly matters to me now.  I am fortunate, in that I was raised by parents who had entrenched morals.  I’ve pretty much established myself as an independent thinker since childhood, forsaken some of my parent’s personal-beliefs; but never turned my back on their core-morals.  Basically, whatever you do, do the right thing.  Treat others as you would have them treat you; for the most part.  But the one thing that conflicts with me the most, involves my being raised in the Christian church.  Taught to be “Christ-like”, to “turn the other cheek”; to forgive.  To love unconditionally.  I underwent serious emotional devastation, commencing over a year ago; but have since managed to move on.  Took me the better part of a year to get my head on straight.  And yet with all this, this previous chapter in my life still appears to remain unclosed.  My previous love, in whom I had loved deeper than life itself, and who had subsequently willfully and wantonly hurt and disgraced me with reckless abandon – is on the brink of complete and utter ruin.  What is happening to her is a direct result of the extremely peculiar choices she had made, when carelessly discarding the love we once shared to the wayside.   And now, after all of this ruination; after such extreme betrayal – she reaches out to me for help.  Why, oh why mother, had you taught me to be “Christ-like”?   When most human beings would feel great satisfaction at seeing those who have betrayed them so callously, wither and fail; why do I feel pity instead?  Why do I still feel like I care, when I had not been afforded such compassion?  I’ve worn my bitterness like a badge of honor for over a year now.  And if that’s not complicated enough, I find myself – dare I say it – falling in love again; to someone else I had attempted for months to keep at an arms distance.  I must survive, and I must walk forward; and I do not want to ruin the love I share now.  But what is it that truly remains of a seemingly once-perfect love, since mired in a Judas kiss?   She now states that I must be laughing; yet why do I feel like the last person who would do so?  Where one is taught to be compassionate, how does one ever truly close the door?

Dub’

We're all rats, just pressing on levers, waiting to be rewarded with pellets.

Placebo buttons.  Ever heard of the term?  You should have; because they’re everywhere.  Buttons do “our bidding”, because that’s what we’ve been conditioned to think.   For instance, how many of you press the “close door” button when you get on an elevator?  To those of you who do, I want you now to imagine getting on an elevator, and NOT pressing the button.  Just stand there, and look at it.  Wait for the door to close by itself.  Feel that little twitch?  You’re conditioned, just like a lab animal.  Now, how many of you were aware that the “close door” button only works for emergency personnel and workers with that special little key that goes into the key lock you see right above the button?  But ya’ll go ahead and press away, so you can continue obtaining that special little chemical rush you’re all so fond of.  And how about crosswalks at intersections?  How many times in recent memory have you found yourself continually depressing the button?  You know… standing there idle; impatient, and not knowing what to do with your hands?  “Hurry up, light!”  How many of us in that impatient mode continue to depress the button; as though it will magically trigger the light to change.  There used to be a time in history, where those little buttons actually did trigger lights to change; but they’re all run by timers and computers now.  There’s still a few functioning ones here and there; but extremely rare to find.  Do you know why those buttons still exist?  Because not only does it keep you calm; it would cost a ton of money to remove them.  So go take a break, and buy yourself a snack and a soda.  You’ll feel better.  Plus, you’ll get rewarded by pressing a couple of buttons.  It will all be better.

Your station for all misanthropy, all of the time.

Dub’

Things that piss me off - Pt. XXIV

That I haven’t been pissed off in over a month.  This is ruining my reputation. I hope this doesn’t mean I’m getting all soft and mushy; that would really piss me off.

Your station for all misanthropy, all the time.

Dub'